Aftermath
by AkidaSoren
Summary: Set two years after the movie. Something is wrong with Edward, he snaps at Alphonse for no reason and tries to avoid him as much as possible. Alphonse can only wonder, what is wrong with his brother? Mostly from Alphonse's POV
1. Chapter 1

_I've made an edit to chapter 1, simply because I stated that Alphonse had no friends, but I decided to take that in a different direction for chapter 4 which I am currently halfway through writing, so I changed one word XD nothing extensive but at least now Al's not a complete loner_

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It was never easy to move to someplace new, especially when that place just happened to be a whole new world, there were so many things that were different, and yet so much was the same. It had been two years since he had left Amestris to be with his brother...two years, it seemed longer than that somehow, and although he had become quite used to the new and somewhat strange quirks of this world, there were still times when he could still become baffled by it. Who would have thought that people could create machines that could fly?

Well it had certainly been a lot to take in when he had first arrived, but of course Edward had helped him through it, even if everything was confusing at times, he was glad that he could spend his time with his brother, finally, and he was determined that they would not be separated again, no matter what. Sighing deeply, Alphonse closed the book that he had been reading, finishing the last page with a smile, he stared at the title 'The World Of Physics' before he looked up at his surroundings, allowing them to come into focus.

The library, the one place in this whole city where there seemed to be at least some silence, after all, library's were a place where most people went to study, or simply to read a book that they would not normally get the chance to read. Of course with most library's you could always just loan the book for a couple of weeks, but most people would still prefer the silence within these walls, the atmosphere itself held a sort of warm feeling to it, it was sort of like being somewhere you belonged, after all, everyone inside the library was there for pretty much the same reasons, to read. Alphonse studied the book that lay on the table before him, his right hand propping up his head as he leaned forward slightly, turning the pages slowly.

He liked to come here whenever he could get the chance, the comfortable silence was refreshing for one thing, and it also gave him an opportunity to leave the somewhat dingy flat that he shared with his brother. It wasn't that he minded sharing with his brother, oh no, far from it, but their flat was small, and was only just big enough for the two of them, it had all the essentials of course, but still, Alphonse felt that there could have been somewhat more space.

Shaking his head slightly he stood picking up the book before moving towards the stacks to place the book back from where he had taken it, there were so many that he had yet to read, so many that he wished to read, and yet somehow it seemed as though there were not enough hours in the day. He'd had to find something to occupy his time, what with Edward working, and reading was after all, something he enjoyed doing, though he admitted to himself that once or twice, he had wished he could read an alchemy book or two.

Moving through the stacks he eventually found the place he had retrieved it from, the shelves stacked alphabetically, well, it did make it somewhat easier to find things, well most of the time anyway, some people would occasionally put the books back in the wrong place, whether this was through laziness or sheer confusion though was unknown. He glanced to the side as he saw someone walk past him, a young girl, he didn't really get a good look at her, but he smiled all the same and placed the book back on the shelf before moving back somewhat staring at the selection.

"Which one?" he said as he studied the shelf closely a thoughtful look on his face.

It was then that he saw it, an old looking book, the pages slightly yellowed, dust covering it somewhat, it looked as though no one had touched it in a very long time, his curiosity heightened, Alphonse smiled, reaching out to grab the book.

As his hand clasped around it he felt a force pulling at it, trying to take it from him, to be honest at first he was rather stunned, and simply kept his hand upon it, gripping it tightly but after feeling the book be jerked again he fought back, was it stuck? The struggle seemed to go on forever, and the more the book was tugged, the more confused he became, it hadn't occurred to him that there might be someone else with their hand upon it, as eager as he was to discover what was within the confines of its pages.

"Huh?" he said quietly, he didn't even know what the book was about, and here he was, apparently struggling with the shelf to retrieve it, how strange this must have looked to any walking past the stacks.

Eventually with a defeated sigh he gave up, releasing the book to the shelf, if it wanted it that badly he was inclined to let it keep it. It was then that he heard it, a rather loud crash, and some rather surprised screams before he peered through the newly made hole where the book had been, his eyes widening as he realised that there was a young girl on the other side of the shelf, laying on the floor, paperwork strewn about her..it was then that it hit him, the realisation that she too, must have been interested in the same book. Feeling an instant guilt for what had happened, he rushed around the shelf moving over to her swiftly, watching her pick up the papers from the floor, he sighed lightly before he kneeled down on the floor, looking to her for a moment, noticing the book.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that you were trying to get that book....I thought it was stuck" he said, an embarrassed smile lighting his face.

The young girl jumped with fright as he spoke, she had been so caught up in collecting her papers that she had not noticed his presence. She glanced upward at Alphonse, staring at him for a few moment, noting that he had already collected some of the paperwork for her. She gave a small smile back in response her dark blonde hair falling over her shoulders as she continued picking up her work.

"It's okay." she said sweetly, nodding her head slightly as she looked back at him, sapphire eyes glimmering somewhat.

Truthfully, she didn't mind, after all it was just a mere accident, they had both interested in the same book it seemed, that in itself was rather an interesting turn of events if not a somewhat humorous one. To think that she had believed the book was simply stuck, much in the same way as Alphonse had.

Alphonse smiled back at her before he returned to being helpful, his fringe passing in front of his eye-line, the least he could do was help her pick up her paperwork, after all, it was his fault in the first place, perhaps if he had not let go of the book so abruptly, she might not have fallen, but then he'd had no idea that there was someone else on the other side, so he could be forgiven for that.

His eyes glanced over a few words on the pages he handled as he tidied the few he held, gently tapping them on his knees to make them all sit in line with each other, he looked serious for a moment, before his eyes lit up somewhat....this was physics....yes he was sure this was physics, she was also interested in the science? How curious that a girl should like such a subject, after all in this world it seemed, women were not as willing to pursue their interests as they were in Amestris, society telling them to do otherwise.

"So....you like physics?" he asked making conversation with her, well, it was always polite to talk to someone, especially in this case.

The young girl stopped as he spoke, her hand poised over a page on the floor before she withdrew it, sitting back somewhat on her knees.

"Yes...." she said quietly, her eyes lowered to the floor for the moment.

"Rather silly isn't it.....a girl having an interest in Physics...".

She raised her eyes to look at him, giving him a half smile, her tone showed her obvious embarrassed on the situation, and it seemed she found the conversation somewhat unsettling. True, a young woman of her age would not usually be interested in such things, but she had always found Science fascinating, there wasn't a day that went by when she would not be reading about it.

She would often travel to the library, to escape her sister for a few hours at least, and in all the times she had been here, she had never seen Alphonse, did that perhaps mean he did not come here often? Or was it merely that she was usually so engrossed in taking notes that she had never taken much interest in those around her?

At her words the younger Elric looked somewhat panicked and he shook his head from side to side, bringing his hands up before him, waving them back and forth as he emphasised his own thoughts on the matter.

"No of course not, It's not silly!" he said quickly, his tone showing obvious signs that he was a little flustered, his cheeks flushing red.

"I think people should do whatever they enjoy, there's nothing wrong with a girl liking Science, I used to know one who was a mechanic!".

Alphonse closed his eyes at his last comment cursing himself mentally. In an effort to reassure the girl it seemed he had let slip something he shouldn't have, there certainly weren't any female mechanics around here, how strange would that sound? The redness in his cheeks spread somewhat, and he ground his teeth a little, it was a simple mistake on his part, letting his mouth run away with him, he was usually so level headed in situations such as this....but then, this wasn't one of those normal day to day situations now was it?

The young girl stared at Alphonse with a somewhat bemused look, holding her paperwork tight to her chest and for a moment it seemed she was somewhat unsure of what he had said before she giggled slightly, a smile passing over her lips.

"Well...she must have been quite an interesting person" she said sweetly, her left hand moving to wipe strands of her hair from her eyes. It seemed he got flustered all too easy, and she had noted that redness spreading across his face, he was nice enough, if a little nervous too, but that didn't matter really.

"Oh!"she cried suddenly, closing her eyes rather tightly before opening them again, a small look of embarrassment on her face.

"I'm sorry, here I am going on when we haven't been properly introduced".

How silly of her to forget her manners at a time like this.

"My name is Jayne" she said quietly, lowering her eyes somewhat for a moment before she looked back at him, that sweet smile of hers returning.

It seemed she was somewhat amused at what he had said, and he wasn't really sure if it was because of the fact that he had mentioned something unusual, or for the way he was reacting to his own words. He was a little nervous he had to admit, mostly through the whole embarrassment of this situation, first he had caused her to drop her paperwork, and now he was perhaps giving her cause for mild confusion, it seemed nothing wanted to go right today. He jumped slightly as she shouted suddenly, blinking slowly before her words hit him fully, yes of course, introductions, here he sat trying to help her and he had yet to say his own name, that in itself was embarrassing and poor manners on his account.

Alphonse was always polite, always proper, that was just the way he was, of course like most people he knew when it was a good idea to break away from it, but it seemed this was one of those times where a proper introduction was needed, given the circumstances.

"My name is Alphonse" he said bowing his head slightly to her, a smile creeping across his lips as he watched her smile back.

"It's nice to meet you".

Well it perhaps wasn't the best way to meet someone, especially a young girl, but it had been an interesting turn of events to say the least. Grey eyes trailed back to the papers he held within his hands and a flicker of knowledge crossed over his mind, knowledge that it was her paperwork he was holding.

"Oh, sorry!" he cried, laughing a little shortly afterwards as he held the papers out to her, he had almost forgotten he was still holding them.

Jayne's smile remained as he spoke to her, the urge to giggle all too great, and she did not fully understand it herself. There was something about him, the way he acted, so sweet towards her and yet he seemed so nervous, he wasn't still feeling sorry for what had happened was he? Well, she hoped he wasn't after all it had been an accident, and she did not blame him for it, how could she? For she too had been pulling at the book, believing the same as he had, that it was simply stuck to the shelf, but of course that thought had been proved wrong for both of them.

"It's nice to meet you too....Alphonse" she said quietly, glancing at his eyes momentarily before lowering her own again....she was beginning to feel somewhat flustered herself, though perhaps for a different reason than he was.

As he held out the papers she simply stared at them for a moment, before slowly raising her hand to take them from him, her eyes remaining lowered for a moment, before she finally looked him in the eye, a flush of crimson moving over her cheeks.

"Oh.....thank you....." she said. It seemed to last an age, just sitting there staring into his eyes, she wasn't even sure why.....why was she staring at him this way?

There was something....something so different, so intriguing....and yet she could not put her finger on it, but it caused her embarrassment nonetheless when she realises what she was doing and she stood instantly, wiping the dust from her dress as she held the papers in her other hand.

"Well, thank you for your help Alphonse.....but I really must be going..."she said quietly, returning to a somewhat more shy state.

As she took the papers from him, Alphonse felt the light touch of her hand, and it made him withdraw rather quickly, almost in fright before his eyes caught hers. That moment, that one moment seemed to last an age, to see within those sapphire eyes....there was something giving about her, a kindness and purity that seemed to resonate from her very soul, and he could feel it. He watched the redness in her cheeks, his eyes widening a touch...was....was she blushing because of him? As she stood he frowned somewhat, standing almost instantly, not bothering much about the dust that lined the lower half of his trousers, it would brush off later. "It was nothing" he said with a smile again, it was his fault after all, so it was the least he could have done.

"Maybe....I'll see you around?". Those last words seemed hopeful, perhaps a little more than they were meant to be.

Jayne giggled a little, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth, embarrassed at her small outburst.

"Yes, that would be....nice" she said in reply to his words, somehow she was glad that he has asked her that, after all, it saved her the trouble of doing so, and the way she was feeling at the moment, she would not have had the courage to ask.

"Well...goodbye".

Before she left, she handed him the book that he had been so eager to retrieve, that smile of hers brightening her face.

"Let me know...if it's any good".

With those last words she left for the doors, seemingly quite quickly, but not quickly enough...to prevent her from glancing back at him, before stepping out into the street once more.

Alphonse felt some elation at her words, and his smile grew somewhat wider, it seemed she would actually like to see him again, and honestly he would not mind seeing her too. Though it pained him sometimes to admit it, he had no real friends here, it was...difficult to talk to people sometimes, they never seemed to share his interests, but this girl...Jayne, she seemed to share at least something in common with him, that love of physics, which was a turning point for him.

"Bye..." he said before he lowered his head to look at the book as she passed it to him, he scanned the cover slowly, before looking back at her, nodding his head to her words before he watched her leave.

He stood there for a moment before looking back at the book again, turning it on it's side to read the spine, barely making out the word 'Physics' written along it, well...at least it would be interesting to read. Alphonse shook his head somewhat, eyes glancing to his right hand, the hand that had lightly touched hers, he stared for the longest moment, before that smile of his widened and he clenched his hand into a fist, lowering it before heading to the front desk to check out the book.


	2. Chapter 2

It had started to rain on the walk back from the library, it was funny how the one time he had forgotten his coat it had decided to do so. Alphonse walked along the high street, his shoulders hunched up slightly, his arms wrapped around his chest, clinging to the book he had checked out of the library, trying his best to keep it dry.

He was already half soaked, his hair clinging to the sides of his face as the rain dripped down it, and yet, despite the weather, he, at least for the moment, wore a smile upon his lips. It was strange but since he had departed from the library....he hadn't stopped thinking...thinking about her....Jayne. She had been so kind, so understanding about it all....he kept replaying those moments in his mind, the attraction between them was all too obvious, but perhaps not so obvious as it seemed.

Alphonse wasn't sure, his feelings somewhat mixed on the situation, it was just friendly...yes, that was all it was....or so he told himself, choosing to misread that look in her eyes, the signals his own body was sending, the flush that had spread across her cheeks, and his own, but....that was merely because of the situation wasn't it?

It was...difficult, to comprehend it all, in the time he had been here, Alphonse had made few friends, it seemed almost impossible to find people with similar interests, and truthfully to begin with, he had been somewhat homesick, but after a while, he had adjusted, at least for the most part.

The rain sliding down his fringe and into his eyes caused him to flinch somewhat, and his hand moved sharply, wiping a few strands away, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes of the excess water...well, it could have been worse...couldn't it?

He turned the corner quickly, speeding up his pace somewhat as he headed towards the flat which he shared with his brother, it was small, and at times it seemed quite cramped, but it was at least well kept, though that was mostly due to his efforts.

Edward seemed to be becoming incredibly messy of late, admittedly he had never been particularly tidy to begin with, but he had never been this bad. There were often papers left strewn around the living room, papers with Edward's scrawled handwriting, which had obviously been done in a rush, or some frustration, of course he had not read any of them, not wishing to intrude on his brother's privacy....but he wanted to all the same.

He would tidy them, lay them in a neat pile on the coffee table, and usually by the next day they were gone, Edward obviously having taken them, it made Alphonse wonder.....was he hiding something from him?

Alphonse's smile faded, and he frowned somewhat, hugging the book somewhat tighter to his chest. Edward hadn't been himself of late, he didn't understand it, didn't know the reason, but....it was almost as though....he didn't want him around.

If he tried to ask him what was wrong, he would snap at him, anger rising out of nowhere, sometimes he would even ignore him all together, either by pretending to read, or simply walking out of the room without so much as a word. To have anger directed at him was one thing....but the silence, to be ignored by his own brother....it was suffocating at times. These two things were bad in themselves, but the one thing that bothered him the most through it all, was the fact that he was becoming scared.....of Edward.

Forgetting his thoughts for the moment he ran up the steps to the flat, placing his key in the door before pushing it open, stepping inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He sighed lightly shivering somewhat at the dampness of his clothes, he inspected the book then, checking it for any damage...it was a little wet, but nothing that would cause any permanent damage at least.

The familiar crackling of wood within the fireplace caught his attention, and Alphonse turned to stare into the living room....Edward was home? Alphonse removed his shoes quickly, placing them by the coat rack in the hallway before moving into the living room, grey eyes falling on his brother almost instantly.

Edward was seated in the armchair near the fireplace, a newspaper obscuring his face, it was unusual for him to be home this early. Alphonse looked to the clock on the wall, then back at his brother with a somewhat confused and yet intrigued expression.

"Brother, how come you're home early?" he asked.

The older Elric paused to look up from the newspaper as he lowered it somewhat, a vague look of shock momentarily flitting through his golden eyes… he hadn't expected Alphonse home so early either, if he had known that he would be returning from the library at this hour he would have delayed his return home from work further.

He knew full well this was going to lead to some form of interrogation on Al's part, it always seemed as though he was trying to push his way into his mind, to try and force answers he sought from him, but this only served to fuel the older Elric's anger....couldn't he simply drop it? Understand that he did not wish to talk, instead of hounding him.

"Is there a law against such?…" he said that voice that had once held a somewhat goofy warmth had become receded and cold, almost a void within itself.

Alphonse watched his brother quietly, noting that moment of shock that seemed to pass over his eyes, before he saw it, that anger...though Edward's expression was calm, he knew all too well what his brother held within him...his eyes said it all. He frowned to his words sighing deeply, his arms moving to fold over his chest in a somewhat comforting manner.

"No....I was just surprised" he said quietly, lowering his eyes as he shifted his weight slightly onto his left foot.

There was that uncomfortable silence again, the coldness that was all too obvious, and all of it resonated from his brother....he didn't understand it, what had he done to deserve this resentment?

Edward carefully studied his brother's reaction, golden eyes tiredly taking everything in before allowing a slip of worry to come through and mix in with the annoyance. Why the hell hadn't he taken a coat with him? Surely it had been apparent that it was going to rain at some point what with the darkening clouds. In some ways it seemed as if nature itself had mood swings, it was something Al should have known and thought about though.

Edward sighed deeply, Al was a damn fool to have gone without a coat, yet he was his damn fool, his brother. It was because of this that even through the pain he felt, he still fostered worry for the younger Elric. Nothing would ever change that…no number of blood filled battles or lives lost would ever change that. Still, it had been a bull-headed thing to do, and this only aided to fuel the older brothers anger filled annoyance.

Silence....why wasn't he saying anything? Why was he just staring at him? The only sound he heard was the crackling of the fireplace, and even that did little to fill the void...he wanted him to talk, he wanted him to say something anything...but it seemed Edward said more with his eyes these days than he did with his mouth.

He could see it there, the annoyance, did he hate him so? Things hadn't been the same between them in such a long time, rarely did his brother endeavour to speak with him, even when he was sitting right beside him at the dining room table, he would always read....it seemed that was his excuse for the lack of communication, and it saddened Alphonse greatly.

"How....." his voice was but a whisper as he swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of the lump that stuck within his throat, attempting to swallow his emotions down.

"How was work?" he asked finally, trying once again to talk with him...always trying.

Edward gave yet another of his long pauses, one which would cause yet another intolerable rift within the very being of the room… Or at least, it would be intolerable for all but Edward; he however saw it as a welcome reprieve.

The silence was something he could simply lose himself in, it was a place where no one expected aught from him. In the bitter nothingness he was free to wallow in his own self-pity, one which seemed to grow with each passing day, one which was gradually mutating into something far more grotesque than mere pity… It was becoming a mix of fear and anger. In some ways the blond was becoming a cornered dog, and right now the one cornering him was his own brother.

It was fight or flight time.

"No worse than usual" he grunted before folding his arms to look away.

How long would it be before Al got the message that Edward did not want to talk? How long would it be before he just let it go? Huh, Edward held it in reasonable confidence that Alphonse would not let it drop, he had changed very little since coming to this place. He at least was still untainted by the troubled pain he himself was currently suffering.

Edward's reaction bothered him and once again there was that awkward silence, why did it have to be this way? What had happened to the brother he used to know? The one who used to tell him everything, who shared in his dreams....what had happened to change him so dramatically that he would treat him with such distain?

Alphonse hugged himself a little tighter feeling the very temperature in the room seem to drop, and he shuddered violently, though mostly due to the dampness of his clothing, perhaps he should have changed, perhaps he should have left things alone, but....Edward was his brother, the only family he had left...he didn't want to lose him too.

"Brother......" he said quietly, grey eyes lowering to stare at the floor...couldn't he see how much pain he was in? Or perhaps....he just didn't care?

Brother, one word that meant so much. Time shared, dreams shared, goals accomplished, to Edward 'brother' meant far more than simple blood relations. Or it had at one point. Now the term 'brother' was just a painful reminder of times gone by, of a life he had loved and lost, of what once was and could have been… He just wanted to forget, forget everything.

Why did things have to be this way?! It would be easier, so much easier, if he could just let it go, let it all go… If he could do that then perhaps… Perhaps he would no longer be Edward Elric, he would be someone else. A stranger in Edward's body, but, was that not what he was now?

"What? What do you want from me?" His voice was barely audible.

Sure enough he saw his brothers pain, even now he still saw what his brother truly felt… It was this pain he inflicted that tore at him the most. Al was his brother! What kind of monster was he becoming if he could do this to the one he cared for most?! Still, it was better than the truth…

Though it was quiet Alphonse heard it, and he felt pain ricochet through his body...what did he want? If only he knew! He wanted him to talk to him...something more than what he received, he wanted to be able to tell him things...to ask his advice....but that wasn't going to happen was it, no matter how hard he pushed at Edward's defences, the walls never seemed to fall.

His stomach churned uncomfortably, that uneasy feeling, it rose to his throat, causing him to swallow hard as he tried....tried not to cry.....the salty water that stung his eyes causing him to blink rapidly for a moment, fighting those tears back with all the strength he held within.....why? It was the same question he repeated to himself over and over....and yet it never seemed to gain an answer.

"...Just.......Just forget it!" he cried storming out of the room in frustration and sadness.....he wouldn't let him see him cry...not now.

Pain filled regret filled him as he watched his brother, his only family, he didn't want this. He didn't want any of this, if only he could forget it. If only if only, what bloody good were If only's!? How the hell did they help!? They didn't, nothing did…he just felt so....so cold. He knew it wasn't an iciness that any amount of fire could fix, besides, play with fire and you're gonna get burned.

Perhaps that's what had happened, perhaps he had played with the metaphorical fire once to often and this was his burn, the dammed fool he was. Giving a disgruntled sigh as his brother marched away he watched his back leave the room.

"Al…. I'm sorry, so, so sorry." It was these words that no other would ever hear.

Though he had said them the voice he had used was less than a whisper. He really was sorry, even if in his induced madness he couldn't show it his heart was still there.

And it was sorry.

~*~

Sunlight poured in from the window in the younger Elric's bedroom, casting its glow slowly across the floor as the hours passed before finally it settled upon his bed, leaving him to mumble softly as he shifted pulling the pillow over his head as he tried to shut out the light. Morning already?

It felt as though he had only been asleep for an hour or two, even though he knew it had been longer...still....there was little point staying in bed...no matter how much he wanted to. Alphonse removed the pillow from his head, his hair now a complete mess from his actions, he shook his head, sitting up slightly, his left hand propping him up as he rubbed at his eyes with his right, frowning slightly to the sunshine...why did it have to be so bright?

A light yawn left him as he sat up properly, grey eyes opening for the first time as he blinked slowly, trying to adjust to the light before his eyes trailed down to his body....it seemed he had slept in his clothes which still held some dampness, if he was honest he didn't really remember falling asleep...how tired must he have been not to change out of his wet clothing?

Well....it hadn't been a pleasant evening....not in the least, he had cried quietly...away from his brother, he didn't want him to see him cry...Alphonse didn't want to show him just how much pain he was truly in, yet he knew some of it was obvious when his brother would look at him...it seemed his body could betray his thoughts at times.

He didn't understand it all, and sometimes he wasn't even sure if he wanted to...true, he wanted his brother back the way he had been, wanted to see him smile at him once more, or to hear him laugh....but he never laughed anymore, and he never smiled....was there any point in trying to regain something that seemed so far gone?

Yes.....there was always a point, always hope, something that Alphonse always held on to, he would always believe that there was something he could do, even if he had to come against Edward's defences, be beaten back along the way...he would always try....always.

Alphonse stood from his bed, stretching his arms above his head feeling the bones in his arms click before he threw them down again, swinging them back and forth for a moment as a smile passed over his lips.

It seemed that regardless of the previous evenings difficulties he was happy, after all, it did little to dwell on things for too long, but Edward was a problem that needed to be resolved....he just wasn't quite sure how yet.

Running a hand through his fringe to try and at least have it in a bearable tidiness, the younger Elric walked over to his bedroom door, opening it slowly to peer out into the corridor, instantly there was a shiver that ran down his spine as he felt the coldness drift in...why was it always colder out there than in his bedroom?

Shrugging the young teen opened the door widely, rolling his shoulders a little before he stepped out into the corridor, eyes briefly glancing to the door to his brothers room before he sighed lightly making his way to the living room.

Well at least it wasn't raining this morning, and that was something to be thankful for, he hadn't much relished the soaking he had received the day before, but, if he went out today, he would be taking his coat with him...just in case. Alphonse stopped dead at the doorway to the living room, his jaw dropping ever so slightly before he gained a look of mild annoyance and shook his head lightly.

There on the sofa lay Edward, fast asleep, his hair loose, but that wasn't what bothered Alphonse....it was the paperwork all over the floor that touched a nerve.

"Brother...." he said quietly, gaining a small smile but a moment later, oh well, it could have been a lot worse than a pile of papers.

Keeping that smile the younger Elric moved over to the sofa, setting about his work as he picked up the papers one by one, why did he have to be so untidy? Honestly, would it have hurt him to put them in a nice neat pile?

Alphonse's eyes barely noted anything on the pages before him, he was conscientious of his brother's privacy....even though he longed to know exactly what he was writing, true, he had glanced at one or two of the sheets but nothing really stood out amongst the chicken scratch that was Edward's frustrated handwriting....it really didn't make much sense at all.

Suddenly he stopped, his hand poised over one sheet of paper as grey eyes widened somewhat....what.....was that...no. Picking the sheet up slowly, the younger Elric stared at the words on the page, there, scrawled across the paper in large handwriting was the word....AMESTRIS. "......what?....." frankly he was too surprised to think of anything to say to it....why was....why was Edward writing about Amestris?

It was the warm glow of light on his face and that singular word of his brother that at last awakened Edward, and one would have been terribly surprised at the speed at which he did so. In some ways it seemed the older brother knew that his privacy was being invaded, as the speed to which he rolled off the sofa was one that was seemingly anger filled and full of clumsiness.

"Get off it!" He barked just after he heavily hit the floor and staggered to his feet. "It has nothing to do with you!"

Slashing a mechanical arm through the air he marched heavily toward his brother, a searing irritation evident even in his steps. Obviously that information on the paper was private, what the hell had Al been thinking?! It had absolutely nothing to do with him!

Damn fool, why the hell couldn't he just back off, that's all Edward wanted from him. He didn't want pity, he didn't want anyone's help, he wanted to be left alone! God damn it, what was it with people? No, he knew, dammit he knew exactly what was wrong. People were selfish; as long as they thought they were doing the right thing they were happy, it was all about peace of mind to them… They just wanted to be happy…

"Give it here…" Standing in front of his brother Edward held out an expectant hand.

He would get it back, even if he had to take it there was no doubt that he'd get it. It was his after all, thus Al had no right to argue the matter, even if the young boy did he'd likely lose… Edward's temper had never been a good thing to be on the end of, but lately it had gotten far, far worse. Hell, sometimes it ended to the point where he felt he was no longer in control of his own body.

He really didn't care though, if getting angry got him his papers back then so be it, it would be Al's fau… No… Actually it wouldn't. Edward knew far too well that it wouldn't be the fault of his younger brother, it would be his fault. It was always his fault. It was his fault they were stuck here, his fault Al was suffering… It was all his fault, and for that he hated himself more than anyone would ever know.

Alphonse moved back slightly as he saw his brother move on the sofa from the corner of his eye, his head moving sharply to look as Edward collided with the floor with an almighty thud, but it didn't seem to stop him.

He was...surprised to say the least, his eyes wide as he held the papers to his chest....why...why was he shouting at him in this manner? The younger Elric swallowed hard as his heart rate increased, some minor fear rising at his brother's reactions. It had all been innocent, he hadn't read anything other than one word...was that such a crime?

It made him wonder just what was written upon the pages, it was obviously something that Edward had not wanted him to see...and it seemed he had guessed that perhaps he had read more than he had....but he wasn't going to tell him anything....he didn't have to tell him.

As Edward held out his hand, waiting somewhat impatiently for the papers he moved back a little further, his look of shock becoming a little more serious.

"...Brother....." he said quietly, eyes lowering for a moment before he looked back at him, that serious expression remaining as he fought with himself mentally.

He wanted to ask him....he wanted to, but he knew...he knew in the back of his mind that the anger would be worse, that it would all come crashing down on his head....but he didn't care....he wanted to know, he wanted Edward to confide in him.

"Why....why are you writing about home?".

He had said it, the question that had been burning his mind for the last few moments, nagging at him, there would probably be little response to it, but the worry that was building inside the young teen was too much to bare at times....he just wanted to help.

Why couldn't Al just give the papers back? It was none of his damn business as to what was written on those sheets, if Edward had wanted him to read them then he would have told him so… Though a question arose in his sleep bleary mind, had he read them? It was a thought that literally caused the blood to drain from his face.

If Alphonse had read them then he would know what ailed the older youths mind. In that rough scrawl lay the very record of the plague that assailed him. How could he explain it to Alphonse? He couldn't, there was no way he could describe something that not even he himself was able to understand.

Though by some small mercy it seemed the younger brother had only selectively read the word 'Amestris'. Perhaps something could be salvaged from this, if only the damn fool would give him his papers!

"Give me it…" He didn't bother to answer the question, all he wanted was the papers.

True it had been foolish to leave them strewn around the floor for anyone to read, but he hadn't exactly intended to fall asleep like that.. In the future he'd need to be more careful, if Al did manage to get his head around it he'd see what a monster his brother had become… He could not allow that, Al wouldn't understand it, thus he could never know.

For both their sakes it was better if the fool just let it go, let it go and allow things to continue as they were. Granted Edward was struggling, every day seemed to be twice as hard as the last. It was the way it was though, Al just had to damn well accept that.

The younger Elric kept his eyes lowered for a long time, not wanting to see his brother's expression....the silence that came....it chilled him enough so that it sent a shiver down his spine and he shuddered slightly. It wasn't the same as before, merely a silence that Edward chose to hold over him, no, there was something different.

It was like the calm before the storm, when it was peaceful, before the storm would sweep in and destroy everything....was that was this was? The calm before Edward blew up in his face....perhaps, and he knew if he did, that at least on some level it would be his fault, he admitted...he pushed him sometimes, trying too hard to gain something from his brother, and though something rarely came of it...he refused to give up.

Grey eyes trailed up to stare at Edward, widening somewhat as he saw the paleness of his cheeks...what? He looked to the papers that he held against his chest then back at his brother, seemingly understanding what was going on...was...was he afraid that he had read them?

So, that was it, he really was hiding something from him. At his brother's request Alphonse lowered his head seemingly thinking, this was, this was the only thing he had, to get his brother to say something, the only leverage he would ever have....would it be wrong...to use this moment? Perhaps, but for the time being rational thinking had left the younger Elric's head, all that concerned him was finding out what was wrong with his brother, whether he wanted to tell him or not.

"N-no...." he said quietly, stammering slightly as he swallowed hard, his breaths become a little laboured as he felt some minor panic again. "Not...not until you've answered my question...".

Clenching an auto-mailed hand a deep-set frown set in… Al, was trying to blackmail him? It seemed the younger boy had changed, he doubted the old Al would have done something like this, not when it was so painfully obvious that this whole thing was ripping into Ed's sanity like a ravenous wolf into meat.

Edward knew full well though that this shift had likely been brought on by his own change, it seemed that even without alchemy he had the ability to change things about him. He didn't want to do so though, he just wanted this stupid thing over and done with. He wanted this whole nightmare to end. In his mind it was all a sleep depraved delirium, it was becoming ever harder to separate the facts from the deception.

Sometimes at night he could have sworn the torment he'd seen was real, that the blood was there before him, and that those who he had once cared so deeply for were hurting far more than he was now… He could never help them though…

"Give me it," he snarled. "Before I make you."

One more chance, one more chance before things spiralled into a pit of lost control. Within all truth and honesty it wasn't that Edward desired to hurt Al, had there been another way open to him he would have taken it.

Those papers though held on them a punishment far worse than anything he himself could deliver, even by the laws of equivalence the secrets those papers held were ones of a most terrible nature. Al could never know. The golden-eyed man knew this, thus he saw no other option than this one. As much as he would regret it (for he would regret it deeply) he would use any force necessary to retrieve what was his.

Alphonse shook somewhat and it was a great effort of will to keep it from being too noticeable, he could see it in his brothers eyes, that anger, and frankly it scared him. Edward had always had a hot temper, that much he was used to, but it had been getting worse since they had moved to England, in fact everything seemed to have gotten worse.

Their relationship was slowly dissolving, and that in itself was upsetting for Alphonse, his brother was everything to him, the only family he had left, but it seemed he was losing him to, no matter how hard he tried to keep a hold of him...he still seemed to be drifting away.

He tightened his grip on the paperwork slightly, locking eyes with his brother now as he tried to keep himself focussed, that niggling voice in the back of his mind telling him to back down...to forget about it, but how could he? How could he continue this way?

Never once had Edward threatened Alphonse, at least not in this manner, of course, there had been fights even before all of this, but none of it had ever escalated to this point. Alphonse could feel his heart in his throat practically, thudding away with rapid intent, he was scared, he admitted....but he wasn't giving in.

With a show of utter defiance, Alphonse shook his head from side to side eyes closing momentarily before he looked back at Edward. The tone in his brother's voice had told him everything....this was it wasn't it, where he made the final decision of what would happen.

There was a brief moment of checking either side of him with his eyes, glancing sideways...if he had to he would move, he had a clear run to his room, but Edward would most likely be quicker.....but still, even if his head was telling him to flee...his heart was saying to stay...and fight if he had to.

There was perhaps a moment in which Edward's heart clenched as his brother pulled the papers close to his chest, in that moment he wanted to explain the pained illusion that solitary blackness brought him.

It was but for a moment though and like the lightest of winds brushing the grass in a ripple it was gone, replaced by a searing anger at his brother's pigheaded stubbornness. This could have all been so easily avoided; all it would have taken was for Alphonse to give back that which was not his to begin with. If that had happened there would have been no escalation, but no, Al wanted to know what was wrong.

To a manner Edward could understand, Alphonse was worried, thus he pushed for answers. At a previous time in their lives the younger Elric would have no doubt got them, now however he got an arm swung his way whilst the other, the right as it happened, grabbed the paper firmly and pulled. It would end one of two ways, the paper would be torn in half or Edward would end with it all, either way he was content....

No. That was a lie. Edward was hardly content; he'd just struck out at his brother... Within all respect the swing had not been hard, more than anything it had been more of a distraction than anything meant to harm.

The fact was still in existence though that he had just lashed at Alphonse, how could he have done that over something as inconsequential as a piece of bloody paper?!

"Al I'm....... No...."

Putting a hand to his head he frowned in obvious discomfort, he was such a moron.

"I... I didn't... You should have bloody well let go!"

He had been forming an apology, yet Edward had never been good at said act even before his haunted mind started to twist his very thoughts. Still, he was sorry, surely Al knew that... Right? Perhaps once upon a time he'd have known, perhaps he would simply see his brother as the monster he had become from his nightly pestering.

Huh, much like a werewolf the night was causing changes to him. Perhaps he should go lament to the moon; at least it wouldn't push him for answers that he had no desire to give.

Alphonse should have expected it perhaps, in some ways he knew his brother was a different person...that he wasn't who he used to be, the way he treated him of late was testimony to that...but still, if he was honest, he really hadn't seen it coming.

It all happened too quickly for him to comprehend it, the sharp slap to the side of his head shook him enough to make him relinquish his hold on the papers as his brother tried to snatch them from his grasp.

Unfortunately, whilst that slap was not meant to harm him, it robbed him of his senses for a moment and he went down on the floor, sitting there looking somewhat bewildered. Edward......he'd.....he'd hit him?

He wasn't sure if he believed it himself, and only the throbbing of his head gave him any clue as to what exactly had happened. Alphonse's hand moved to tentatively rub the side of his head, and he winced slightly....there was going to be a bruise there tomorrow that was for sure.

Alphonse looked up at his brother finally, his hand still held to the side of his head as he watched his expression change, whatever else Edward had intended, it seemed that this was not the first thing that had come to mind, and for a moment, he swore he saw a hint of remorse....but it seemed to vanish quickly, and the demon that had taken over his brother emerged once more, shouting at him.

Hadn't he been punished enough? The younger Elric lowered his head again, his fringe covering his eyes, he could feel them...the tears welling inside him, wanting to fall, but he held them back, sitting there shivering slightly.

".....I'm sorry brother....." he said quietly, his voice shaky, catching in his throat as he swallowed hard. Edward was the one who had struck him, and yet here he was apologising, what for? For wanting to help his brother? For wanting to get to the bottom of what was making him act so differently?

If that was something he should have felt sorry for, then maybe it really wasn't his brother standing before him now.

No! Al wasn't the one who needed to be sorry, damn him, why did he have to be so soft? He wasn't the one who'd struck out at his only remaining family; he wasn't the one who was changing into some warped figure from some haunted nightmare. If anyone was to be sorry it was Edward, yet through his own weakness he couldn't bring himself to utter those two simple words.

To this respect Alphonse held a strength beyond that of his brother, Al could do what his older brother could not. It was because of this, that Edward was envious of him, jealous. At one time he'd have never brought himself to such a thing; Al had suffered so much more than he himself, yet now......now Edward would have given anything to have his brother's strength.

However never would he desire to swap places with his brother, because then... Because then Al would be as broken as he now was... A shattered hope and hollowed remnant to what had once been. Whilst it should have been an apology that Edward gave it was not.

"Whatever" he grunted dismissively, before turning away and clutching the paper to his chest as if his life depended on it.

Alphonse's shaking worsened as his brother spoke, yet somehow there was anger as well as that sadness, so much so that at this point he was having difficulty telling why he was shaking so badly.

Slowly the younger boy stood, getting his balance easily, keeping his head lowered, even though he knew that Edward was no longer facing him...he still didn't want to look at him for the moment, not sure where his emotions would take him.

It had been building for a while really, that tension between them, luckily nothing had ever come of it other than a shouting match, and now this minor incident....that was the reason he was afraid of his brother, the fact that he was so unpredictable of late, his reactions seeming to be fuelled by nothing but rage, a rage that Alphonse simply could not figure out.

A partial sigh left his lips as he finally allowed himself to look up from the floor....he was glad that he was no longer facing him, glad that he couldn't see those tears that threatened to fall from the corner of his eyes, and yet Alphonse's face did not look sad, it was calm, expressionless.

It was funny really, how all of this had been blamed on him, admittedly he should not have tried to force answers from his brother...he knew that all too well, but he was not the only one to blame, after all, it was Edward who had left his 'precious' papers lying around allover the floor, what did he think would happen?

Some of that guilt he felt lessened, his left hand balling into a fist as he felt a slight surge of anger, why was he always the one apologising? He swallowed it down, swallowed the whole situation down, hiding it, keeping his feelings at bay, it would do little to become angry, and truthfully, that feeling, for him at least would pass.

"I'm going to the library" he said rather sharply, his voice holding that edge of anger that still dwelled within him, as he walked out into the hallway, grabbing his coat from the peg by the door, draping it over his right arm before slipping his shoes on, a sigh leaving him before he opened the front door, only to slam it hard behind him, at least that....relieved some of the tension.


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm sorry it has been so long since I last updated, but couple writers block with the loss of my writing partner and you get a lot of hell. So yes, I am now writing for Edward, I find this somewhat more difficult than writing for Alphonse, but I ask that you please bare with me whilst I get this character working for me. Everything after Alphonse states that he is not a little kid that is writing for Edward was by me, everything Edward before that was written by my friend. I hope you enjoy anyway._

* * *

The walk to the library had seemed to take longer than normal, and somehow it seemed more tiring too, it was him wasn't it? Everything was because of him, it was all in his head, the tiredness, the length of the journey, one big exhausting muddled mess.

Alphonse fidgeted somewhat at the sturdy oak study table in the library, his coat hanging loosely on the back of his chair. Grey eyes glanced up at the people around him before he looked back at the book he had open in front of him, he was distracted, he admitted that. Even reading Physics books was doing little to rid him of his thoughts, to draw him away from the events of that morning.

He really hadn't expected Edward to react like that over a few pieces of paper, especially where he was concerned, what could be so important that it warranted that smack he'd given him?

Alphonse rubbed his temple absentmindedly, feeling the tingling of his skin as a dull ache presented itself, it seemed much like this problem he was having with his brother, the pain wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

She just couldn't stop thinking about him, no matter how hard she tried, a vivid image of his face seemed arise in her mind, not that she really minded all that much in truth.

Jayne sighed lightly, her bright blue eyes somewhat dazed as she tried to scan the writing on the page of the book before her, her left hand gently resting under her chin to support her head.

She admired him, she admitted that much, and yet she hardly knew him, but...did that even matter? Her right hand moved slowly, brushing strands of her blonde hair from her eyes, a smile moving over her lips as she sighed once more.

Why couldn't she concentrate? She had a perfectly good physics volume in front of her and all she could do was stare at the pages in a mild daydream. It did not take long for her to become bored of her attempt at concentration and she closed the book, her eyes holding a glint as she lifted her head to scan the library...just hoping that maybe....she would catch a glimpse of that boy.

Sadly, it seemed she could not find that face from her memories, and she frowned somewhat, about to return to her reading when she saw him, the clothes he wore immediately recognisable as the ones he had worn just the day before.

A smile crept back onto her lips as she realised it was him...Alphonse, the young boy who had been so helpful to her but yesterday. Carefully and quietly, she rose from her seat, gathering her things before she moved away from her table, clutching the book to her chest calmly.

It was him wasn't it? She was beginning to doubt herself somewhat, afraid of making a rather embarrassing case of mistaken identity, and yet as she drew closer her mind told her...yes...yes that was definitely hum, and already a blush was moving across her cheeks.

Alphonse tapped his fingers on the table, his fist now pressed into his cheek as he leaned on his arm, still trying to concentrate but to no avail. It seemed that his thoughts were not going to stop anytime soon, no matter how hard he fought with his mind, how much he told himself to forget about it, but he couldn't forget, and that was the problem.

The younger Elric gained a somewhat bored expression as he leaned back in his chair somewhat, a red mark now on his cheek where his fist had been.

What was he going to do? Well the real question was what could he do? It wasn't as though he could force answers from his brother, even though he really wanted to, the whole situation was driving him crazy in a sense, and that tension that would build between them, well frankly, that in itself was unsettling.

His brother was difficult to read, something that had been so easy in the past, but now he never revealed anything, he was closed off from everything....sometimes, if felt as though Edward wasn't really there...like his mind was someplace else when he became enraged.

Suddenly there were hands on his eyes, and the young boy panicked a little, jumping with obvious fright but he calmed instantly on hearing that soothing voice, familiar and yet strange all at once.

"Guess who?"

Slowly his hands came up to cover hers momentarily before he gently traced the length of her fingers, and somehow he gained a smile.

He knew it was her, and already his cheeks were reddening somewhat, well, this was a pleasant surprise, a moment of happiness in an otherwise dismal day, and he was thankful for the distraction.

Taking her hands, he removed them from his eyes slowly, releasing them as he turned to look at her, that redness now in full swing as his smile grew somewhat wider.

"Hi....Jayne" he said quietly, his voice soft, warm.

For a moment there was silence as his fingers tentatively traced hers, and a shiver ran down her spine, a warm smile moving over her lips as her cheeks flushed scarlet, another light giggle sounding from the young girl.

As he released her hands, she moved back a little, watching him turn to face her, those grey eyes of his trailing up to catch her own of varying blue hue.

"I'm glad you remembered my name....." she said softly, still holding that warm and inviting smile. "I was afraid you would have forgotten".

It was true, after all, it was a chance meeting, and whilst the circumstances had indeed been unusual, she had highly doubted that he would remember her name, let alone what she looked like.

Forget her name? Alphonse frowned slightly to that, true, he had met her for only a few moments, but how could he forget her name after what had happened...and not just the incident that left her on the floor surrounded by a pile of paperwork, the moment when her hand had touched his.....he shook his head a little as that thought came to mind.

It had stirred some feelings within him, he knew that, but he had known her all of a day, that wasn't long enough to ifeel/i anything, or so he told himself, still, better to pretend it was merely a friendly attraction rather than something more.

"I never forget a name" he said brightly, trying to be somewhat reassuring, realising that perhaps she had been truly worried that he would have forgotten, and that only posed more questions in his mind. "...or a face".

Why? Why had he just said that? He should have just stopped right there, stopped at telling her the truth, yes, he was good at names, he had always been that way...but why had he added the last bit?

Alphonse cursed mentally and scrunched his eyes closed for a moment, it seemed his mouth was running away with him again, making him say things he would normally have reservations over...the whole situation was mildly uncomfortable, but for the moment he would have to bear it, and besides....there were worse things he could have said.

Jayne stared at him with a mixture of curiosity and confusion as he closed his eyes looking mildly annoyed at himself, was he angry that he had said that? Was he afraid that he had offended her perhaps? To those thoughts she moved a little closer, placing her hand on his shoulder gently with a small light laugh, shaking her head ever so slightly.

"You don't have to look so annoyed with yourself...I'm sorry if I said something I shouldn't have" she said quietly, her smile dropping as her gaze moved to the floor, removing her hand from his shoulder slowly.

Alphonse opened his eyes and stared at her with some shock, before his frown returned, she thought that she had done something wrong? No, she had done nothing wrong, there was no need for her to apologise, and yet still she had, she was apologising for nothing....just as he had with his brother.

For the briefest of moments he had forgotten Edward, her presence a distraction interesting enough to keep him from reliving that mornings events, but now, now he found himself drawn back into those thoughts, the papers, his brothers angry shouts...the smack to the side of his head....had he really made Edward that angry? Angry enough that he would strike him without due cause.

Alphonse sighed deeply, it seemed he couldn't escape his thoughts for long, even in the presence of someone else....why wouldn't they die and leave the memories in the back of his mind? Perhaps there was more to it than that though, perhaps it was merely that he did not understand it, understand how his brother could become so enraged over something as simple as him holding a pile of papers, and in those thoughts, came the realisation, that perhaps, he should find out exactly what was so important that it had caused his brother to lash out.

"Alphonse....are you okay?"

The younger Elric shook his head sharply, eyes focussing on Jayne once more as he read that concerned look upon her face, he hadn't realised it, but for a moment he had spaced out, his mind reeling, all the while with her staring back at him.

"....I-I'm sorry......guess I don't feel so good..." he said feeling his stomach churn somewhat, frankly he did feel somewhat flustered, perhaps more than he should be, and there was a slight sting to his throat, difficulty swallowing, or was that merely because of now? Because of his thoughts? Either way, he wasn't feeling much like being here right now....as awful as that sounded in his head.

"I.....I have to go, I'm sorry, I hope I see you again" he said quickly pushing the chair out from under the table with his legs before standing, bowing his head slightly to her before heading for the door, his hand raised to his mouth.

Jayne was more than a little surprised at his reaction and she could only watch as he bowed his head in leaving, had she said something wrong? Had she done something to upset him? She frowned then her eyes glancing to the table, scanning over the book he had been reading before looking to the chair.

"Oh!" she cried seeing his coat still draped over the back of the chair. "Alphonse wait!".

It seemed her shout was too late as she turned to see that he was gone, with a sigh, she lifted the coat from the chair, holding it by the collar in her left as folded it over her right arm.

"I guess....I'll give it to you....next time" she said quietly, smiling a little to that thought before closing the book that he had left upon the table.

~*~

Somehow he had lost the day, the few moments he had spent with Jayne seemed to have happened but moments ago, but it had been several hours since their meeting, as brief as it had been. He had hardly noticed that it was getting dark before he found himself wandering the dimly lit streets with little idea as to the time, it was funny really, how had he not noticed it was getting dark?

Alphonse sighed deeply a frown planted firmly on his face as he coughed slightly raising his hand to tentatively grip his throat as pain coursed through it, frankly it hurt like hell, even swallowing was a biting sensation, one he did not much relish.

The whole day had been a mess, an endless flow of unanswered questions in his mind, persistent guilt over rushing out on Jayne so suddenly, it had been rude, he knew that, and yet he had done it anyway on his own impulse, and it had taken him a good few hours to realise he had left his coat behind, and by the time he had come to that particular realisation it was too later to return to retrieve it.

He wanted to turn back the hands on the clock, wanted to go back and start the day from the beginning, to undo the damage that had been done, the fight with his brother, his untimely exit from the library leaving Jayne in a somewhat shocked state, he wanted it all to be nothing but a dream, some horrible nightmare that he could eventually wake from, but there was no waking from this, this was reality, no matter how much he wished things were different.

With some effort the younger Elric dragged himself with tired steps to the his front door, right hand rummaging through his trouser pocket searching for his key, thankfully he hadn't left ithat/I in his coat.

As he gripped the key, something else stirred in his mind and it was in that moment that he gained a panicked expression and patted his trousers frantically realising now that he HAD left something behind in his coat...his wallet. With a mild curse Alphonse let out a growl of frustration raising his hand to his head, of all the dumb things to do, now not only had he lost his coat, he'd lost his money too.

"Ugh.....great..." he sighed before practically forcing the key into the lock, turning it sharply in mild anger.

He barely registered anything as he stepped inside, his head throbbing about as much as his throat, he didn't notice that it wasn't as dark as it should have been, didn't even take note of the soft glow of a lamp within the living room, he merely kicked off his shoes, and headed into the living room his mind beginning to contemplate the idea of just flopping down on top of his bed rather than actually get into it, he was tired, he admitted, and more than a little hungry.

It hadn't occurred to him before, but he hadn't eaten anything all day, but right now the tiredness was winning out over his stomach's incessant growling, he would just have to make sure to eat in the morning.

Problem after problem, issue after issue, for once Edward would dearly have loved something to go right in his life, anything at all. It had been so long since he'd felt satisfaction in anything, he was sure emotions had left him completely, leaving him as nothing more than a hollowed out husk.

Had he been anything more than that then he would never have struck his brother, yes he'd not been too hard with the aggressive gesture, but the fact was that he had still done it. He'd struck Al, he would have never done that before and he wished he hadn't done it now if he was honest.

Through all the dizzy clouds that left him in a pained waking dream he still felt regret, it was like a piercing light. Really he'd been the instigator in that, he'd left his papers out the ones that harboured his deepest nightmares and fears, had he not been so careless then it would have all been avoided and things would have continued in their usual confused state of being.

He was going to have to be more careful, if Al got those papers again then Edward wasn't sure how he'd act...he scared himself, he was his biggest fear and his biggest threat. It wasn't a fight that he felt he could ever win.

Hearing the clocks knell he sighed and gave a disgruntled growl from his place on the couch, where the hell was he?! Goddam it that boy had no concept of time, did he not think that perhaps Edward would worry?

Evidently not, he probably thought he simply didn't care, well regardless of that Edward most certainly did care, and through the seething anger he couldn't help but feel a prick of worry, a worry that soon dissipated as Al opened the door and strode in. With a deep frown he stood and turned to the boy.

"Where have you been?" he growled in a low, hushed tone.

It was almost threatening in its being, something you'd expect from one whom you loathed and feared, not your own brother. It was simply the only way Edward was able to express his worry, anger was his answer to everything, he hated himself for it, he hated what he did. Yet it was who he was now and there was nothing he could do about it.

The younger Elric jumped slightly as he heard his brothers voice and he turned sharply, staring at him with tired and somewhat frightened eyes. It hadn't occurred to him that Edward would be awake, let alone be in the living room on his return home.

Frowning somewhat Alphonse let his eyes move to the lamp in the corner........he hadn't even realised that the lamp was on, though now that his mind had been allowed a few moments to adjust, he was realising a lot of things.

Edward's tone had been somewhat angry, perhaps angrier than he would have expected and it was that very anger that kept the young teen from seeing the worry that his brother held over his lateness.

"I told you I was going to the library..." he said half-heartedly, grey eyes moving to stare at Edward once more before he sighed.

It was true, he had told him that morning that he was heading to the library, but it would be just like Edward to conveniently forget that fact, especially with the way he was acting recently.

He admitted to himself however that the library had closed several hours previous and there was no doubt that his brother knew that, but he could hope that he wouldn't push for any further explanations, but he knew that if their positions were reversed, he probably would have continued with a barrage of questions.

"...It's not like I'm that late..." he whispered quietly, a statement more for himself than Edward, but he was beginning to wish that he had said nothing at all, and he lowered his eyes.

_"I told you I was going to the library..."_

"That's no excuse!" Edward snapped, he knew that full well, he knew exactly what Al had said, and if asked could no doubt quote it back near word for word. However, he also knew exactly what time the library closed, and it had indeed been a very long time since it _had_ in fact closed, or at least it seemed that way to Edward who seemed to have developed a terribly acute sense of time.

In a way it was strange for Edward to have waited for his younger brother, it was certainly out of form from his usual un-empathetical self, but to be honest it could actually be considered normal for him at the present time.

His moods seemed to shift as easily as the sun set, true most of the time it was in a dark state of being, but it did have it's moments where it could hold a sense of clarity....they were just that though, moments, they came and went in but a fleeting second, often to be replaced by that defensive aggression he tended to show the world at all times...

_".....It's not like I'm that late......."_

Growling in anger he narrowed his eyes, that was far from the damn point!

"And that makes it all right!?" He barked. The question was in fact rhetorical, it didn't make it all right and Edward knew that damn well, Al on the other hand could not seem to grasp that idea.

Dammit he was still a kid, what did he think he was doing wandering around until this time?! Obviously the boy had no sense, well Edward would change that very quickly if Al didn't buck up his game in matters.

Ed was in fact Al's legal guardian, and if he had to damn well order him to stay in the house, or give the boy a curfew, then he really had no issues in doing so. Alphonse had to learn, and Edward was more than happy to be the one to teach him.

The younger Elric cringed somewhat as his brother snapped at him, it wasn't as if he hadn't been expecting a somewhat volatile reaction from Edward…his reactions were rarely anything else of late, but somehow he was beginning to wish that his brother had said nothing at all.

In the back of his mind, perhaps there was a small part of him that was pleased that Edward had even endeavoured to speak with him, regardless of whether it was merely to scold, but it was a distant thought, and one that was easily brushed aside.

Tiredness was beginning to consume him, and Alphonse sighed deeply, the exhaled breath becoming somewhat frustrated as he brought his gaze back to Edward. Why did he care now? What had changed so suddenly? Was this merely his anger and nothing more?

Truthfully he didn't know, and frankly, he was too exhausted to care. With another exasperated sigh, Alphonse responded to his brother, though somewhat wished he hadn't.

"Brother I'm not a little kid…" he said, more quietly than he had originally intended, and he cursed mildly under his breath at his own boldness.

Another growl released itself from Edward's throat and he clenched his fists tightly, noting vaguely that his brothers words had been quiet but frankly caring little about that, or the curse he uttered. So he wasn't a little kid huh?

Truthfully he knew that well enough, knew that Alphonse was fifteen, but he also knew that right now, he was acting more like a 'little kid' than perhaps the younger boy dared to imagine. Fine, if he wanted to act like a child, Edward was going to treat him like one.

"Oh you're not? Well I don't give a damn Al!" he snapped golden eyes intense and focussed on his younger brother. "If you want to come home at this time of fucking night you're going to have to deal with the consequences!".

Alphonse stared back at Edward, trying to maintain eye contact with him but finding it somewhat difficult due to the intensity he could see behind his brothers eyes. Was it always to be like this? Anger? Revulsion? Was Edward forever to treat him this way?

So many questions resounded in his mind, but he found that there was no answer to any of them, they were left to continue floating around, his head throbbing with increasing intensity to the point where he was beginning to squint against the light of the lamp within the room.

"Consequences?" he asked looking somewhat worried at that word. What consequences? Did he really deserve punishment for something as simple as coming home late? Edward had never cared before, what made now any different?

Edward's anger did not recede, somehow it seemed to build, surging through him with intensity, an intensity he had little control over, he knew what he was becoming, that horrific beast that hurled abuse at Alphonse.

It was like a possession and he was merely watching everything that happened before his eyes from behind some form of glass, helpless, as his counterpart ruined everything around him....all he could ever do was watch, and see the damage that he wrought.

"Consequences" Edward repeated sharply, a drawn out sigh leaving his lips before he ground his teeth a little. "Like being grounded".

It was a necessary task, hell, if Alphonse thought he could simply waltz in at any god forsaken hour he was bloody well mistake! Edward was determined to show his brother that he couldn't simple do as he wished.

The younger Elric's jaw dropped and for a moment he looked utterly devastated at what his brother had said. Grounded? There was a moment of silence as Alphonse tried to take the situation in, Edward....was grounding him?

The questions he held faded in that moment, and he stared back at his brother with a somewhat icy glare, he didn't have the right to ground him!

Admittedly Edward was his guardian, the only family he had left, and therefore, as such, he was the one who had to take care of him, but why the hell was he doing this now? Why now?

It didn't make any sense, for months all he had ever received was anger and bitterness, and now, here amongst the darkness lay that sliver of hope that his brother cared, and yet he was angered by it, this wasn't fair!

"That's not fair brother!" Alphonse cried, not even bothering to keep the slight wail out of his voice.

Edward released a very frustrated sigh and ran his auto-mail hand down his face, feeling the coolness of it against his heated skin. He didn't give a damn if it was fair, hell, it wasn't meant to be fair, and if Alphonse didn't like it then so be it.

As far as he was concerned it was a justified action, a way of enforcing some semblance of discipline upon the young boy, something Edward was beginning to think Alphonse was seriously lacking.

"Bed" Edward said plainly, closing his eyes if only for a moment.

"But brother!" Alphonse cried, trying in vain to get him to change his mind.

"BED!" Edward snapped, his arm thrown down to his side sharply as he clenched his fists, golden eyes wide, nostrils flared as he dared his brother to have a further reply to defy him.

Alphonse shrank away from him somewhat, tired eyes gaining a glisten as tears welled within them....he hadn't wanted this, he hadn't wanted the anger, he hadn't expected Edward to be awake, but he had been all the same, hadn't seen that there would be consequences for his actions, and frankly he hadn't expected them either.

It was a simple mistake, a moment where he had lost himself, wandering around without thinking, without feeling....and he had lost the time, lost his coat...heck, he'd even lost his wallet, and now, he had lost his freedom.

"I hate you brother!" Alphonse shouted, wishing he could take those words back almost instantly, but he was too angry, too upset, and he merely fled the room, slamming the door to his bedroom before collapsing on his bed, hot tears slipping down his cheeks.

He hadn't meant it...oh god he hadn't....but he'd said it all the same, anger having engulfed him in a shroud, he wanted things to be the way they were...he wanted his brother back....but that was never going to happen....never.


End file.
